what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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