If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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