She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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