The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
