when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
