your thong is hanging out like whoa
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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