i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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