So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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