Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
