So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
