Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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