Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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