Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
i think im in europe. pls send help
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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