whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
okay pat passed out under dana's car
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
