After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
