Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
if only i could text you this smell
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
