Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
