just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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