you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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