I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
