The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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