I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
