Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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