Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
