we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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