you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
