Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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