with your own penis?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
