If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I lost the right to judge tonight
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
