i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
we're so committed to being not committed
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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