she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
