i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
