I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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