smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
