I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I think I died a long time ago.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
