I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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