I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
