Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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