so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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