there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I have already put on my inside pants.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
