I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
