I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
