I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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