Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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