btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
