it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
