you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i out mim tonsoeep
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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