i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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