only you would photoshop your dick
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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