I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
