He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
