so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
