Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
