I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
