it wasn't lemon gatorade
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
