Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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