D3 body, D1 cock
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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