Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize