What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
