while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
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So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize