my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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