your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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