She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
