why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
