I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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