I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
