her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Randomize
